Sunday, June 23, 2013

NOW is When I Begin.. Just NOW

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It’s been ten years on this spiritual journey with dearest Guruji now. Unlike a lot of devotees it took me a while (one whole year!) to realize that He is my true calling, I belong to Him. But, my highly analytical and logical mind realized the power of the Sudarshan Kriya right after I got my “1st Shot” at it and it became a part of my daily routine. My Teachers for the course were dearest Bau and Dinesh Bhaiya. Their cool and relaxed approach to spirituality, not pressurizing us into believing any set Doctrine or ideology was a relief and also very inspiring. Most of my course mates (half of them are teachers now), started making plans to visit their “new home” Bangalore Ashram, almost as soon as the course was over. But for me even the thought of it was out of question. I had a very demanding job, and an over demanding and protective family, who would never agree to me visiting an “ashram” to meet a “guru”!! In the coming years, attending satsangs (daily knowledge sessions), volunteering for events, organizing courses and assisting some wonderful teachers became a part of myself. I did not really realize how my Guru was slowly entering my life and making me His own through these amazing acts. As my involvement with AOL increased so did my Faith and Love for Him. Soon I did my first Advanced course with Guruji in Ahmedabad and witnessed the vastness of Divinity in the Shivratri Puja.. I was lost.. and found! I had found Him and He had found me… No thoughts, No ideas... out of question. Life became busy, took major turns, my Sadhana (Meditation) and faith in Him sailed me through. There were times I questioned Him and doubted Him, when I felt left out and uncared for but He was always within reach, it was me who would lose vision from time to time.
Eventually, since 2011, I started thinking about the Ashram, checking it out on social networking sites, following the webcasts, getting in contact with a few friends from the ashram. Curiosity and a silent desire had kicked in. I started discussing about ashram activities at home and often casually mentioned that I’d like to visit it one day, and thankfully no one objected, actual plans were still out of question. I was still oblivious of the fact that my desire had been heard and plans were being made!! My time had come. And soon dearest Gurudev walked his way into my life almost magically in May 2012 in the form of My Angel. A Friend from Bangalore Ashram, who motivated me and inspired me to come Home. “You should come and visit your home and meet your Guru who has been waiting for you for so long.” His words were my true calling. Soon, things happened as gracefully and magically as Him and I was on my way Home! With fear, doubts, questions, curiosity, anxiety and panic as my companions, I set out to experience His grace yet again. The entire journey, from the moment I boarded the flight was like a huge “homecoming” celebration. Gurudev was making it sure I felt warm and welcome and loved each moment of this journey. From co-passengers (who are friends till date), to the wonder play of the clouds during the flight, to the warmest reception at the ashram by dearest ones personally, by messages and phone calls, the amazing comfort of my room at Yagnashala, the breath of Grace and Gratitude every day, every moment that I spent in the ashram was beyond expression! How wonderfully He conspired to meet me in person, just to fulfil a silly desire! What all He does to make us happy! Leaving the ashram after the wonderful Gurupuja Course with Bhanu Ma was painful! As soon as I left the ashram, I was already planning my next visit and somehow, I was damn sure it would be very soon and I was back Home in two months for CST part -1 with Dr. Bente !!
Since these two visits at my Home, my life has changed. I am relaxed and positive! My love and Faith in Him has grown leaps and bounds and is growing with each breath, I am a wee bit more confident, I smile almost all the time, people love me a little more, and respect me a little more… my Sadhana (Meditation) has become effortless.. I connect to Him and my inner self more easily now and my longing for divinity is intensifying every moment!
Staying away from my Guru and my Home is like a Tapasya (longing) for me now. Longing for the Omnipresent is such a blessed feeling. He is always with me, I reach Him so easily and comfortably, but I still long for Him.
His physical presence, His words of wisdom, His ever smiling aura, His deepest gaze, His laughs and naughty grins, His presence that is felt in the Ashram even when He is away. I can just continue my “Taspasya” and count moments when I shall be with Him again soon… At Home.. To Stay..
Now I know why he kept me away so long.. My Home is an addiction, and perhaps now is the right time for me to get addicted??!! Perhaps, now I won’t have to wait too long….

Jai Gurudev!

Anamika Khosla

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